Ok… first… don’t delete your facebook account just yet! There are things you need to do before you do this. What you ask? You want your privacy? Where’s the freakin’ delete button? I said hold your horses, dammit! I’ll get to that.
You can’t simply delete your facebook account. Besides removing the delete button from everyones account, Mark (Da-Ass) Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook fixed it to where if you happen to find a link to the hidden delete button (which I have through Google) and used it, it would take two weeks before your account is permanently removed from his servers, hoping you change your mind and rejoin his network so he could sell your personal info at a later date. Your profile is up for all to see during those two weeks, which is why you need to clean-up your account before you drop this service.
1. Alert your friends on Facebook what your intentions are, and for them to get intouch with you the old fashion way. Coming over, telephone, email, sms (ok… the last two isn’t old fashion. Sue me!) If you delete your profile without informing your friends beforehand, your account will have tons of messages from them during the two week waiting period which might extend the deletion process. Knowing Mark Suckerberg, it wouldn’t surprise me if he uses this as an excuse to halt deletion.
2. Remove all your friends and family from your friends list, but alert them again before hand or your acccount will have tons of messages from concerned friends which you can’t delete once you close your account. Like I stated above, messages might extend the deletion process, so keep your friends in the loop about your plans or forever have Mark latched to your back.
3. Change your name and profile picture. The approval process to change your name will take about a day or two, so don’t fuck it up by calling yourself Bubba. Don’t delete your account until this is done.
4. Remove all personal information from your profile. Birthdate, location, contact info, relationship status, likes and interests, groups and pages you joined… EVERYTHING! Also remove all your wall posts and friends comments, to include app invites like FarmVille and freakin’ PILLOW FIGHT! God I hated that one!
5. This next one wont be easy… Delete all your photos. *Stop your sniveling!* If you’re serious about your privacy, it has to be done. If you haven’t deleted your friends and family yet, this will prevent everyone from commenting on them. If you leave them behind after you start the deletion process, whoever comes across your profile and comments on a photo, it will display your photo on this persons profile, opening your photo album to all their friends which is already happening.
6. Delete your Boxes, Notes, Travel, Videos, etc.
7. Set all your privacy settings to Friends Only. What’s that? You deleted your friends so why bother? Just do it, alright! Facebook keeps back-up copies of everyones account, and who’s they wont delete your information or restore your profile at a later date.
8. In your account settings, uncheck everything under notifications, remove networks and then create a real alternate email address to replace your login, using the same password so you don’t forget. Just don’t forget that email. Tape a copy of it under your keyboard to ward off withdrawals. Seriously, better to have access to your account to be safe. Not from puking!
9. Delete all applications you played with. I don’t care what level you are in Mafia Wars. Just do it!
10. Last… you’re not going to believe this… The delete button is no longer hidden. FUCKIN’ FUCKERBERG REMOVED THAT OPTION ALL TOGETHER FROM FACEBOOK!
No Joke! Here is the link to the delete option on Facebook.
Notice anything? Me too. NOTHING! Just a login to your account when you’re already logged into your account! You’re not going anywhere. Muahahahaha!
If you haven’t followed any of my instructions above, you better hop to it before Mark prevents you from manually deleting your information.
Big Brother is here, but he’s not spying on you. Just want others to do so for a few bucks!
by Nasir Khan